We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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