I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I looked at my own cervix.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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