just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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