I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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