i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize