I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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