she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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