He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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