just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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