i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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