This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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