so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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