it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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