They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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