After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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