She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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