I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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