Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize