sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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