Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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