As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I could make wine with my vomit
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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