I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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