put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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