k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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