He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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