I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize