What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize