i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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