theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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