you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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