Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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