I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize