I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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