I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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