I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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