You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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