This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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