i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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