TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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