but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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