sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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