they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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