it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
