she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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