Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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