When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm both gender and math confused
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize