Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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