That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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