she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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