sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize