so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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